The BEST Approach to Grief
The BEST Approach to Grief
by R. S. Doaty
There really is a BEST approach to grief!
BEST is an acronym for Beliefs, Education, Support, and Tools. These four factors will not only influence how you experience loss and trauma, but also how you can confidently reconcile your losses and eventually develop resilience and the capacity to overcome devastating losses.
Throughout my professional career in emergency services and private investigation, I have been intrigued by this one question: Why can some people experience unthinkable loss and trauma, but go on to lead full and meaningful lives, while others who experience much less loss and misfortune become mired in grief and despair, which subsequently overwhelms their lives?
The BEST approach to grief prepares us to deal with yesterday's unresolved losses, today’s grief challenges, and to face whatever losses and trauma tomorrow may bring with confidence. We will take a deeper dive into these factors in future blogs, but let’s start with a brief explanation of each of the BEST factors.
BELIEF – Everyone has a belief system, whether we admit it or not. A belief is our personal perception of “truth”. The B in this acronym is not just our belief in God or a higher power. It also shapes our perception of truth about everything in this world and beyond. But Christian beliefs and the Biblical truths can also significantly influence one’s overall grief experience.
EDUCATION – In this context, education refers to our personal loss literacy – our understanding of love, loss, reconciliation, and resilience in the face of loss and trauma. We live in a loss-illiterate society that has not embraced the need for people of all ages to understand what can be done to live in a world where loss is inevitable. Grief and mourning education are essential life skills we must teach.
SUPPORT – Grief cannot be done alone. You will need to find others who can support you during your time of loss. They are out there, and you must find them. They may be the least likely people you would think to ask for support. Those who successfully overcome loss and trauma actively search until they find what they need. They learn where to find the best help. Keep looking for support until you finally find it!
TOOLS – Tools refer to the skills and techniques we develop internally to help us understand and cope with loss and trauma. If your grief toolbox is empty, it’s no surprise nothing is happening with the grief struggles you are experiencing. The Bible is like a tool catalog for dealing with many aspects of our grief. Remembrance, which we discussed in an earlier blog, is a tool Jesus used with his disciples.
These four factors separate those who successfully reconcile loss from those who wander aimlessly in their grief wilderness. If I had been equipped with the BEST approach to grief from childhood, I would have been spared untold agony!
Our kids need this too. So, let them learn it at church!
by R. S. Doaty
There really is a BEST approach to grief!
BEST is an acronym for Beliefs, Education, Support, and Tools. These four factors will not only influence how you experience loss and trauma, but also how you can confidently reconcile your losses and eventually develop resilience and the capacity to overcome devastating losses.
Throughout my professional career in emergency services and private investigation, I have been intrigued by this one question: Why can some people experience unthinkable loss and trauma, but go on to lead full and meaningful lives, while others who experience much less loss and misfortune become mired in grief and despair, which subsequently overwhelms their lives?
The BEST approach to grief prepares us to deal with yesterday's unresolved losses, today’s grief challenges, and to face whatever losses and trauma tomorrow may bring with confidence. We will take a deeper dive into these factors in future blogs, but let’s start with a brief explanation of each of the BEST factors.
BELIEF – Everyone has a belief system, whether we admit it or not. A belief is our personal perception of “truth”. The B in this acronym is not just our belief in God or a higher power. It also shapes our perception of truth about everything in this world and beyond. But Christian beliefs and the Biblical truths can also significantly influence one’s overall grief experience.
EDUCATION – In this context, education refers to our personal loss literacy – our understanding of love, loss, reconciliation, and resilience in the face of loss and trauma. We live in a loss-illiterate society that has not embraced the need for people of all ages to understand what can be done to live in a world where loss is inevitable. Grief and mourning education are essential life skills we must teach.
SUPPORT – Grief cannot be done alone. You will need to find others who can support you during your time of loss. They are out there, and you must find them. They may be the least likely people you would think to ask for support. Those who successfully overcome loss and trauma actively search until they find what they need. They learn where to find the best help. Keep looking for support until you finally find it!
TOOLS – Tools refer to the skills and techniques we develop internally to help us understand and cope with loss and trauma. If your grief toolbox is empty, it’s no surprise nothing is happening with the grief struggles you are experiencing. The Bible is like a tool catalog for dealing with many aspects of our grief. Remembrance, which we discussed in an earlier blog, is a tool Jesus used with his disciples.
These four factors separate those who successfully reconcile loss from those who wander aimlessly in their grief wilderness. If I had been equipped with the BEST approach to grief from childhood, I would have been spared untold agony!
Our kids need this too. So, let them learn it at church!
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