The Suicide Grief Responder
Mstar Blog #4
The Suicide Grief Responder
by R.S. Doaty
The grief associated with losing a loved one to suicide is unlike anything you can imagine. I have personally experienced this dark night of the soul, and sadly, more than once. Nothing can prepare you as a griever or grief responder for the news that someone has ended their life.
Loss-shock is the first wave to hit a survivor of suicide. It is as if time itself stands still, and you have just stepped out of your body. Nothing seems real. You hurt all over, and yet feel nothing at the same time. Your mind, body, and spirit are no longer synchronized units. You are bereaved – literally torn apart. And there is nothing anyone can do to undo what has just happened.
If you think I’m being overly dramatic, I assure you, I’m not!
In this blog, I will talk about what you need to know if you suddenly become a suicide grief responder. Most of us want to do the right thing, while we simultaneously fear saying or doing the wrong thing. Remember to manage your own feelings and seek support if needed, so your efforts remain compassionate and effective for the survivor.
Their grief cannot be fixed, but offering presence and practical help can provide comfort and reassurance during their darkest moments - know your limits, but be there for them.
Focusing on practical support like helping with 'simple little things' can make a meaningful difference, so prioritize these over unhelpful words or actions.
Witnessing their grief, despite how hard it is, fosters empathy and shows genuine support, a true act of love and kindness.
Recognize that words like 'platitudes' can cause harm because they dismiss complex emotions; saying nothing or offering sincere, thoughtful support is often better than shallow comments.
Suicide can be a theological quagmire for many Christians who have been taught a doctrine that may not be Biblically based. When supporting someone, avoid complex theological debates during the initial days of grief, as this can add to their distress. Focus on offering comfort and understanding, and recognize that faith topics are deeply personal and may require sensitive handling when the time is right.
Reconciling a loss by suicide is a lifelong process that will require the prayer, patience, and support of friends and family who are there for the long haul. And remember this. They are the teachers, and you are the student in this tragic loss. Please have the humility to allow them to experience and express their grief as they need, not as you wish.
The best suicide grief responders are those who have taken the time to improve their loss literacy in the areas of trauma and suicide. Please consider attending our Grief Workshops to enhance your knowledge and skills in love, loss, reconciliation, and resilience to loss.
There is no better way to truly love your neighbor than to be ready, willing, and able to help them as they endure grief.
The Suicide Grief Responder
by R.S. Doaty
The grief associated with losing a loved one to suicide is unlike anything you can imagine. I have personally experienced this dark night of the soul, and sadly, more than once. Nothing can prepare you as a griever or grief responder for the news that someone has ended their life.
Loss-shock is the first wave to hit a survivor of suicide. It is as if time itself stands still, and you have just stepped out of your body. Nothing seems real. You hurt all over, and yet feel nothing at the same time. Your mind, body, and spirit are no longer synchronized units. You are bereaved – literally torn apart. And there is nothing anyone can do to undo what has just happened.
If you think I’m being overly dramatic, I assure you, I’m not!
In this blog, I will talk about what you need to know if you suddenly become a suicide grief responder. Most of us want to do the right thing, while we simultaneously fear saying or doing the wrong thing. Remember to manage your own feelings and seek support if needed, so your efforts remain compassionate and effective for the survivor.
Their grief cannot be fixed, but offering presence and practical help can provide comfort and reassurance during their darkest moments - know your limits, but be there for them.
Focusing on practical support like helping with 'simple little things' can make a meaningful difference, so prioritize these over unhelpful words or actions.
Witnessing their grief, despite how hard it is, fosters empathy and shows genuine support, a true act of love and kindness.
Recognize that words like 'platitudes' can cause harm because they dismiss complex emotions; saying nothing or offering sincere, thoughtful support is often better than shallow comments.
Suicide can be a theological quagmire for many Christians who have been taught a doctrine that may not be Biblically based. When supporting someone, avoid complex theological debates during the initial days of grief, as this can add to their distress. Focus on offering comfort and understanding, and recognize that faith topics are deeply personal and may require sensitive handling when the time is right.
Reconciling a loss by suicide is a lifelong process that will require the prayer, patience, and support of friends and family who are there for the long haul. And remember this. They are the teachers, and you are the student in this tragic loss. Please have the humility to allow them to experience and express their grief as they need, not as you wish.
The best suicide grief responders are those who have taken the time to improve their loss literacy in the areas of trauma and suicide. Please consider attending our Grief Workshops to enhance your knowledge and skills in love, loss, reconciliation, and resilience to loss.
There is no better way to truly love your neighbor than to be ready, willing, and able to help them as they endure grief.
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