A Law of Relationship - Love is NOT Free
A Law of Relationship - Love is NOT Free
By R. S. Doaty
There’s a reason love is NOT free!
I have spent a significant amount of my life investigating grief, and in doing so, wondered why such an awful human experience even exists. I have both witnessed and experienced unthinkable suffering when I and others lose the people and things we love most in this life. Grief always comes at a hefty price.
But the price we must pay itself, is the very reason grief must exist. The value of everything is reflected in the price it costs. If there were no price to be paid for losing the things we love, then the things we love would have no value. That’s the conundrum!
If my wife dies, and I simply don’t care, and I neither experience nor exhibit any mental, physical or spiritual pain at her passing, then everyone will surely question if I truly love my wife. It goes against what I call one of the “laws of relationship”. If we lose what we love, then we must pay a price. And that price is called grief!
Love only has real value if there is a cost associated with the loss.
When we are mired in the depths of darkness and despair, it’s hard to be philosophical about grief. It hurts, it’s mentally, physically and spiritually disabling, and our human instinct is to do everything in our power to escape our grief. That’s true for all of us.
But escaping grief is not what those who can successfully reconcile their losses will do. The people who overcome unthinkable loss are willing to pay the price. They fully experience the deep pain of their loss, and then in time, they fully mourn their loss as an act of paying their love debt. It’s a debt they owe and are willing to pay.
People who try to escape their grief, are like people who want to slip out of a restaurant without paying for the meal they just enjoyed. They try to get something of value, for nothing. That’s a crime. And it is equally unthinkable to believe that losing the people and things we love in life should come at no cost to us.
Grief is the bill that the waiter hands us at the end of a spectacular meal!
This metaphor of an expensive meal raises an important point about grief. Why are we surprised there is a hefty cost for what we have enjoyed? Why do we protest?
Based upon all my grief investigation, the root of the problem is literacy about love and loss. We live in an entitled society that believes things of great value should be free. Love should be free! Freedom should be free! Faith should be free. They all have a cost!
When God allows grief into our life, He isn’t being cruel. He is being intentional. He is giving value to love, through loss – otherwise true love would be worthless.
By R. S. Doaty
There’s a reason love is NOT free!
I have spent a significant amount of my life investigating grief, and in doing so, wondered why such an awful human experience even exists. I have both witnessed and experienced unthinkable suffering when I and others lose the people and things we love most in this life. Grief always comes at a hefty price.
But the price we must pay itself, is the very reason grief must exist. The value of everything is reflected in the price it costs. If there were no price to be paid for losing the things we love, then the things we love would have no value. That’s the conundrum!
If my wife dies, and I simply don’t care, and I neither experience nor exhibit any mental, physical or spiritual pain at her passing, then everyone will surely question if I truly love my wife. It goes against what I call one of the “laws of relationship”. If we lose what we love, then we must pay a price. And that price is called grief!
Love only has real value if there is a cost associated with the loss.
When we are mired in the depths of darkness and despair, it’s hard to be philosophical about grief. It hurts, it’s mentally, physically and spiritually disabling, and our human instinct is to do everything in our power to escape our grief. That’s true for all of us.
But escaping grief is not what those who can successfully reconcile their losses will do. The people who overcome unthinkable loss are willing to pay the price. They fully experience the deep pain of their loss, and then in time, they fully mourn their loss as an act of paying their love debt. It’s a debt they owe and are willing to pay.
People who try to escape their grief, are like people who want to slip out of a restaurant without paying for the meal they just enjoyed. They try to get something of value, for nothing. That’s a crime. And it is equally unthinkable to believe that losing the people and things we love in life should come at no cost to us.
Grief is the bill that the waiter hands us at the end of a spectacular meal!
This metaphor of an expensive meal raises an important point about grief. Why are we surprised there is a hefty cost for what we have enjoyed? Why do we protest?
Based upon all my grief investigation, the root of the problem is literacy about love and loss. We live in an entitled society that believes things of great value should be free. Love should be free! Freedom should be free! Faith should be free. They all have a cost!
When God allows grief into our life, He isn’t being cruel. He is being intentional. He is giving value to love, through loss – otherwise true love would be worthless.
No Comments